I haven't been on deviantART for any amount of real time since I came back from Missouri. As a souvenier, I came with the flu, and am still suffering from it, almost a week later. While in Missouri, I had time to reflect and decide on changing my paradigm. I will probably post every so often various things which are going through my mind.
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Feb. 27, 2006
This morning, around 6:45am, Willow died.
For the last couple of days, she was very lethargic, and wouldn't eat or drink. She'd complain if she was handled, and even Rogaine left her alone for the most part. I found her on the bathroom floor around 11pm last night, sitting in her own vomit. From there, she just kept getting worse. Since I have the flu, I couldn't tell that she was having renal failure as I couldn't smell it. I tried to force her to drink using an ear bulb syringe. That forcing is probably why she stayed alive until we took her to the emergency vet clinic. They think she had feline leukemia or aids, as it is the common reason why a cat her age (1 1/2 year) would be in her state. She was put to sleep after we left the animal clinic. Ted is completely heartbroken as she was his baby. We both knew that she wouldn't live another day, but just didn't want to accept the fact. Still, had she stayed in Colorado, she probably would have been killed by one of the dogs, so in coming down here, we gave her more time. Goodbye, little girl. We'll miss you.
Willow
This makes the second living thing in my life that has died since the start of this year, starting with my great aunt Earlene.
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What exactly is sorrow? An emotional state would be the first thing that comes to mind. A feeling of hopelessness, of loss, or of extreme despair. A time when your heart aches and you feel that you cannot breathe. You tend to mourn, letting your eyes well and your senses be lost from your surroundings. A time when you leave reality for a moment, or a lifetime depending on the weight of the loss. The world around you stops, and you cry out in agony; a loud roar or even a silent whisper. Either way, sorrow is an intense but necessary state.
Why would anyone wish to feel this way? The answer lies in the whole of what is your emotional being. If you cannot express feelings of loss, you are doomed to wander through it aimlessly, and for a much longer time period. If it weren't for sorrow, we wouldn't be able to experience joy in its fullness. The pain of loss accentuates the elation of happiness. Its synergy in its purest state. Few other phrases can compare to the clarity that is "You don't know what you got 'til its gone".
Everything is transitory, everyone is fleeting, every moment is that one moment and will never return again. You make your bed, you lie in it. Do you realize just how thankful you should be that you have that bed? Even if it is slightly uncomfortable, it is yours. You should take stock in the what's and who's around you, for they will not be there forever. When they are gone, you will feel sorrow in one form or another, depending on the attachment to those what's or who's. The trick is to not let this sorrow damage the enjoyment you receive from the rest of your surroundings.
Happiness and sorrow, two sides to the same coin. Without one, you would not have the other. You could go through your entire life trying to avoid happiness because you want to revel in sorrow, pain and depression; you could go through your hours avoiding happiness so you won't feel the pain of its loss. This is an existence some wish upon themselves for they do not feel that they cannot handle the loss, or they cannot handle the joy. This is an existence that should be pitied.
We, as humans, are a very emotionally diverse species. We have the capability of doing great and dangerous things through our emotions. We can choose to make the lives around us more akin to joy, we can choose to make those around us suffer as we suffer. What you feel affects others. What is the point of this somewhat long rant? Do not choose to ignore or stifle your feelings when they are presented; if you feel sorrow, let it out so you may regain your happiness once more. Those around you, as well as yourself are better for it.
"Will you guide me now for I can't see
a reason for the suffering and this long misery
What if every living soul could be upright and strong?
Well then I do imagine"
-Bad Religion: Sorrow
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For those who understand the applications of will and the world, you are encouraged to write as much as you can on the subject, and tell me about it.
Uh... heh. Whoops.
